It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
