Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
