Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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