I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
