wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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