i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Pooping to opera.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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