He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
