At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
