I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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