when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
