FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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