you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
