Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's blow job season.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
