I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
