My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
