Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just forgot I was standing up.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
