so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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