shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
