ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize