He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
