You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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