Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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