Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize