Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
