Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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