420 ftw
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
