Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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