I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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