I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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