He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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