Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The adults are the big ones right?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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