i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
