his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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