I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
