Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
