I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize