I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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