U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize