Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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