Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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