I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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