Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
