Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize