meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sext me about skeletons
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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