OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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