3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
