I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
