Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am available for nakedness
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize