I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
are you so shy because you have an std?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
