I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Still dying that you shit outside
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
