This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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