Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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