oh god the rape fog is back!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think my vagina is haunted
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
