butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
