dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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