do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
