He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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