From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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