Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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