Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
