Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
