don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
