So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize