WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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