Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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