she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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