i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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