I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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