capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
