But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
