He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
