Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
