i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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