were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He kissed a someone with a penis
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
