so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
