You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize