Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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