it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
