The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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