We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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