i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
