I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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