I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
