I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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