I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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