How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
