i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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