living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
