i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
